Bittersweet Memories

I remember the moment 2 years ago today like it was yesterday. But I am sure glad that I am not having to go through the same things I did 2 years ago at this time.

Today is the 2 year anniversary of my mom's passing. It has been a difficult 2 years to say the least. Within the past two years, aside from loosing my mom, I have moved 3 times, lived in 3 states, worked 2 separate jobs, am 6 months pregnant with a new baby, watched Justin go through nearly 2 years of Medical School, started my oldest in preschool, taught my youngest to walk, talk, her letters, etc; watched my oldest learn to read, taken a trip to Loveland, taken a trip to Vegas, made 2 trips to Austin, Texas, 2 trips to Alpine Texas, bought a new car, and surely there is more that could be added to that list, but I am going to stop there. There has been so much change over the past 2 years and by far the hardest and most difficult change has been the adjustment of not having my mom. As Michelle said earlier today, I still wake up and want to call my mom and talk to her. I have been working on writing this book...not something I have told too many people, but in the last part of the book, I talk about my daughters and one of my favorite things that they do...And I wanted to share one small portion of that...(note it is not done, a very rough draft, and nothing will likely come of it, so no jokes about it, it is therapeutic)

"Unfortunately, unlike my daughters, my phones don't have a direct line to Heaven. Felicity continually brings her play phone to me and tells me "mommy grandma wants to talk to you." The only connection between my children and my mother is a pretend phone line that dials Heaven. Jaicie and Felicity call their grandma frequently. They hold on full conversations with her. I only wish I can hear both sides of the conversation. Their imaginations have been able to carry them to a place that I only wish that I could go. A place where telephones reach the heavens."

My phones don't reach Heaven but I have found great comfort from Heaven. It has been a difficult journey, one that is by no means complete, one that I will likely continue trekking through the remainder of my life, but I have learned a great deal. I constantly think about bringing this baby boy into this world. It was something that I struggled with at the beginning of the pregnancy, knowing that when this little guy is born, I won't be able to call my mom and tell her all about it. She won't come visit and count each of his little toes and fingers as she always did. But I constantly think about her holding him before he is born and sending him my way...

Things will continue to change in the future. I look forward to those changes. I Miss my mom. I miss her everyday, and that will not change. I treasure the memories I have of my mom and I will always treasure them. The memory of that moment 2 years ago stands out strong. But even stronger are the memories of the many things that i shared with my mother.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my thoughts. We did enjoy a nice dinner at Joe's Crab Shack tonight, Justin and My family tradition, to go to one of mom's favorite restaurants together each year. I enjoyed the chicken, but Justin and Felicity sure enjoyed the shrimp...(Jaicie takes after me with seafood tastes!)

Have a good night! Here's to Mom!